


take me from this valley

by Julx3tte



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies, Angst, F/M, Memory Loss, oh so much angst, spy!James au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-05-19 09:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14871437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julx3tte/pseuds/Julx3tte
Summary: james is married to lily. she is a doctor, and he is a writer. or is he?





	1. the spy who loved me

**Author's Note:**

> this went from a 600 word drabble to a 10 chapter, 15k+ word story.
> 
> Thanks for encouraging me :)

Every day only felt worse than the one before. Yes, Lily loved her job, but every day took just enough out of her that she couldn’t recover with sleep. Getting out of bed was one problem - she’d only woken up more and more tired, even though she started to let herself sleep in later and later.

But it was at night when she felt the worst - when she was alone, struggling not to think about work, but unsure of how to actually settle into something.

She wished James were here. It was the fourth week in a row he was away, and she still had no idea when he was coming back. If he were here, he could help her stop thinking and remember that everything’s okay now. 

Instead, her brain only imagined wild scenarios: James’ tour bus getting stranded, or him getting kidnapped on a plane. James getting hospitalized with no way to call her.

All she could do was thumb through the notebook he’d left her. She re-read the note on the first page before flipping to today’s date.

“Lils,

They’re sending me away for a while. It’s a long promotion tour, so I’m really not sure where we’re going. I love you, and I wrote you something for every day I might be gone. Hope it’s enough, for now.

Love,

James”

Tonight’s note was the second part of a story he’d been telling her. She tried to imagine his voice reading it. Her laying on his chest as he spoke, feeling the vibrations echo through his lungs.

Yesterday, the story’s protagonist ended on a cliffhanger. He was a spy, and he received a tip about precious cargo that he was sent to find and capture.

Except, instead of being information, it was a woman. By the time he’d found her, so had the other side, and he had seconds to escape with her before they gunned them both down.

Lily was thankful that neither of them faced such a thing. She was a doctor, and while sometimes her patients gave her trouble, most of them only had acute injuries that could be treated.

James was a writer, and for some reason his work had become a hit abroad. His management company swept him up on a multi-country tour, and he was so busy that they’d barely had a chance to call one a week.

In the story, the protagonist and the woman escaped by jumping across a rooftop, finding a pay phone, and calling the spy’s emergency line for rescue.

Curiously, the number was written out on the page. It was a specific detail that the rest of the stories normally omitted, and it caught Lily’s attention.

On a whim, Lily decided to call it.

A woman answered the line, and offered the same greeting as the story: “Hello, this is the Grand Hotel.”

Lily tried the pass-phrase: “Prongs over the gate.”

“Hold please.”

On the other end of the line, a man picked up. 

“Ah, Shite. This is Lily, yeah?”

“This is she.” Panic shot through her spine. In the story, the emergency line meant they were in serious danger.

“Look, shite. It wasn’t supposed to get this bad, and he was supposed to be home before you got to this story. My name’s Sirius, I’m James’ partner.”

Lily remained silent - she was confused, but in the back of her mind, one of her crazy ideas began to sound less crazy.

“Shite. Okay, here’s the quick and dirty. James has been working with MI6 for the last few years. I’m his handler. He’s been undercover for weeks and missed his last check-in. He left this number in the book in case something happened to him. Don’t worry - his life’s not in danger. But it means something’s made him play up his character.”

“Wh-what does that mean?”

“It means we need you to get him out.”

* * *

 

**Moldova. Nov. 25th.**

James walked through the large castle doorways with a confident swagger. He didn’t actually feel so confident - he really was just a writer, despite what his MI6 handler might suggest. Typically, all they ask him to do is offer copies of his books to persons of interest. The books were probably edited - coded for agents, or bugs or something - but he never asked and they never said.

Today’s mission, though, was a bit special. He was tasked for a personal book delivery to Elisabeth Fortuna, Duchess of Moldova herself. The massive castle loomed in front of him, and he felt a little pinch of worry sa he stepped through the doors.

It was just a drop off, but somehow, the Duchess was related to a case that none of his handlers could figure out. Other agents had disappeared for a few days, missed a checkpoint, and got sent home, but until they managed to get to their house, it was almost like they’d had a concussion. They had forgotten key details, like why they were out on the mission in the first place.

He figured, though, that this would be quick. The butler or some other would take the package, ask him to sign them personally, and he’d be on his way. It was better that way, because he still had a book signing to get through before he could finally call Lily.

It had been a long three weeks of not seeing Lily, and each day he missed her more and more. He was hesitant to accept the press tour for his books - because of the unsure length ( _ “We’ll fit as many in as will have us. This is an opportunity to break into a fresh market James!” _ , his manager had said) and because it would take him right through not so friendly territory, something he tried to avoid during missions for MI6. But it really was an incredible opportunity, and Lily had told him she’d be in a busy season for patients anyway, so he’d accepted.

He blushed thinking about her. Or rather, thinking about the last time they were together - the night before he left. He had given her the storybook he’d written once he’d agreed to go, months worth of stories and love notes to remind her of him while he was away. And then - he hid his smirk behind a closed fist and feigned a cough - he recited his vows to her slowly, mouthing them into her skin and -

Footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and he hastily recollected himself. Down the staircase came a tall woman, wearing a long gown and an expensive headpiece.

“Mr. Potter, a pleasure to meet you,” she said, quickly crossing the space between them to shake his hand. “I am Duchess Fortuna, but you may call me Liza.”

Still holding her hand, he gave a quick bow. “My pleasure to meet you. I have a case of my books for you - I heard you were quite the fan?”

James was willing to leave his charm on - he didn’t use it much since being married, but it certainly had its perks. He ran his hand through his hair before raising the bag of books in his hand.

“Please, come sit. My assistant will take the books to my study, but I wanted to ask you a few questions before you left. You have some time, yes?” She was already walking past him, towards another grand set of doors that led to a sitting room. 

The conversation was surprisingly pleasant. She was quite a fan - she knew to ask about the most minute of characters, and was curious about where the story of the next set of books were headed. She seemed so aloof that ,for a moment, he wondered why MI6 would want him to run a mission to her home.

“Tea, Mr. Potter?”

“Just James, please. And yes please.”

An assistant dressed in a sharp suit brought him a cup of tea, and he took a sip. He hadn’t yet had proper tea in Moldova. Despite being a beautiful country, it certainly didn’t have English tea. But this cup was just sweet enough to be pleasant, and just bitter enough to be sharp.

He drank most of the cup through the conversation, and as he did, he began to feel drowsy

“Are you a married man, James?” The Duchess had a smirk on her face that made James feel uncomfortable. He didn’t much believe in the sixth sense, but he’d been on enough missions to know that this feeling was bad news.

“Yes, Liza. In fact, once we wrap up here, I’m on my way to give her a call.”

“What’s her name? Is she lovely?” Again, that smirk. 

“Lily. I miss her to death,” he replied. “If you don’t mind, I’ll be on my way out in a moment, I have another reading in the city as well.”

Liza watched him for a moment, then checked her watch - wait, was she always wearing that watch? The colors of her dress began to blend together, reds spun into white. James knew he needed to get out of there.

“A shame,” said Liza.

He stood, but before he could take a step, his legs gave out on him.  _ Shit, the tea. _

James managed to mouth the words “Lily” before falling unconscious.


	2. things i couldn't tell you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James settles into a new routine.
> 
> Lily learns some new things and doesn't learn some other things.
> 
> and remembers what he promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not had much of a chance to write recently - but please enjoy!

**Moldova. Nov 31st.**

James woke up with a start. He was never quite a man of routine, but here he was a guest, and when in Rome…

At least it was comfortable. There was a gym where he could get a nice morning run in, and staff served breakfast at exactly 8 o’clock. He’d been on writing retreats before, and this was one of his most productive. It was a blessing that the Duchess - Liza - had offered to host him for as long as he’d liked in order to get the latest draft of a manuscript out. He had even managed to convince his manager to cancel a few readings so that he could focus on writing.

Every morning, Liza came into the dining hall at 8:15. Like clockwork. James was always impressed at how well-put together she was so early. All week he’d come right from his run - sweaty and famished, but she always looked, well, like a Duchess.

And this week, he had the pleasure of exploring the beautiful city of Chisinau with her expert guidance.

He got out of bed with a yawn and outstretched arms, and walked to the bathroom. As he did, he noticed a black tattoo on his left wrist, under where his watch sits during the day:

_L.E._

* * *

 

**London. Dec 3rd.**

On the outside, Lily was calm and focused. It was her second day training with Sirius and learning more of what her husband did when he was away. It wasn’t particularly surprising - if anything, it was impressive that James had managed _not_ to tell her as much as he had already about his secret life as a spy.

On the inside though, it felt absolutely ridiculous. _My husband, who is a writer, is a spy, and to save him from whatever might have happened, I’m going to become a spy too?_

It really wasn’t that unrealistic. Sirius had said that, 99% of the time, it’s not actually dangerous, and it’s almost never like it is in the movies. Most of the time, it’s just doing your job - as a doctor, Lily would take a job at a clinic or a hospital and see patients, and sometimes, those patients would be MI6 agents. She would never know herself. She would give them an appointment summary - just like every other patient - and someone else would handle the secret messages and what not.

Still, she had to be trained, so here she was in some underground bunker in London, running through an obstacle course and learning how to shoot a gun.

The gun was a new thing.

“Will I ever need this? Will I even have one?” she asked Sirius.

“No.”

She aimed down the sight, braced her shoulders, planted her feet, and pulled the trigger. The shot pinged off of the target - and she saw a hole appear right on the neck.

“But it’s good to know you’re not such a bad shot,” Sirius winked.

Actually, she’d lied. Her father, before he’d passed, had taught her how to shoot. Mostly rifles and shotguns, for hunting game during vacations, but the principles held anyway. Between her and Petunia, she’d always followed after her father more than Mrs. Evans.

“I keep a little NERF gun at home whenever James gets too annoying. I’ve had practice,” she laughed.

“Lord if only that’s all it takes.” Sirius lazily checked his laptop as Lily took a few more shots.

“So - how long have you known James,” Lily asked.

Sirius’ eyes didn’t linger from the laptop as he answered. He just brushed a stray hair from his face. “We were actually university mates. I got recruited in college - which is why we’ve never met. But he’s told me a bit about you.”

Now, he looked at her in the eyes with a serious look on his face. “I wouldn’t have brought you in if I thought there was a better way to get him out.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Lily accused. She walked from the shooting range to take a seat on the chair across from Sirius.

Sirius just sighed. “Look, yes - you haven’t passed proper clearance yet, and technically you’re not even going to be an agent. Plus, James is going to be right pissed when he finds out I sent you in to find him, although he did that himself by giving you my number. But I’ll tell you what I can for now.”

She’d done a great job of pushing it away for days, but the nausea and worry she’d been carrying with her since she woke up hit her again. She reached for a bottle of water and took a sip to steady herself. She wasn’t a soldier’s wife - she didn’t need to be brave for anyone - but even for her, hearing that her husband was missing in a foreign country was unsettling.

She was just a doctor - dammit - and she’d married this sod of a writer because it _wasn’t_ an exotic profession.

“So?” she managed to croak out. Sirius had noticed her worry.

“Look, he’s definitely alive. His last mission before disappearing was a drop-off - he’s done it a million times. He missed a few readings, but he’s supposed to have had time off to write, so it’s not a surprise we haven’t seen him. We even have his tracker active.”

“So why haven’t you gone to get him?!” The anger in Lily’s voice was a surprise to her - she hadn’t realized she’d been holding that in.

“Because- “ Sirius sighed. “Because his last drop-off was to the Duchess’ palace - and we can’t barge in there accusing them of hiding one of our spies. That would blow James’ cover right out of the water. And for all we know, he could be hiding out there on purpose - maybe his cover was blown. We have to wait for a chance to actually see him, make contact, and set-up an extraction.”

Sirius made too much sense - James was just a small piece of the puzzle. He was James Potter, not James Bond, and raising hell to get him out only made sense to her.

“So why did you recruit me?”

Sirius was silent. It was clear he couldn’t tell her - that she’d have to see for herself. She didn’t say anything - she took a moment to drink more water, then Lily stood up and walked to the firing range again.

* * *

 

**London. Dec 3rd. Night.**

Later that night, sleeping in the hotel room they’d put her up in, Lily took out the notebook James had given her again.

She read it every night, and each time she ran her fingers around his name. It was reassuring to know that, by next week if Sirius was right, they’d both be home, but at the same time, just the fact that she didn’t know where he was was too much. That she hadn’t heard his voice in over a week.

Her fingers traced out the words,

“Love,

James”

A few times before she opened to tonight’s story. There were a few more weeks left, and she hoped it wouldn’t have to last that long. She didn’t want to think about what happens when the stories run out.

For tonight, he had written her a poem.

James was a fiction writer - his books were bestsellers in England, and most of the time were strictly prose. He almost never wrote poetry. When he did, it was exquisite. Lily, along with his publisher, had been pushing him to write a collection, or even submit to a journal, but he always said he’d preferred to keep them private. To write them for the right occasions.

“He chose a good night,” she whispered to herself.

 

_Lily,_

The night we met, you asked me to

zip up your dress for you. It was gold,

we were drinking champagne under

shitty lights waiting for thunder

to strike at midnight, and I was bold

enough to kiss you.

 

At our wedding, the last night of Lily Evans,

I asked if you meant what you said -

“Lily Potter on earth and in heaven,”

and that we would dance forever.

I promise: I am yours and I will never

forget you. Even when I’m too old to

dance, I swore that until my deathbed,

I would love you, Lily I will always love you.

 

 

She thought about the night before he left.

He wrote his promises again using his lips on her skin, like it was parchment. She remembered her skin burning. Her cheeks flushed. God she missed him - the feel of his hands, the bristle of his jaw, the way he smelled like woodlands, and the way he held her hair when he cradled her head to his chest.

Lily slept clutching the book to her chest, hoping she would see him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next: what's the plan? watch from afar.


	3. seeing is believing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lily finally gets to see James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your patience - this is taking a long time to write.

**Chisinau, Moldova. Dec. 10th.**

Lily was frustrated. She had been in Modova for  _ days  _ to settle in, and finding the patience to wait to see James was almost unbearable. 

She and Sirius had let a flat together as a home base of sorts, and some other agents had come and go to sweep the place and set up equipment. But Sirius had other business to attend to, which left her there alone to memorize maps of the city, and look up James’ schedule. 

At least she was here. In the same time zone, in the same city as him. And at least, she had adjusted to being here. Ever since she starting training with Sirius, she couldn’t shake the feeling of overwhelming anxiety. It made her throw up, and it made it difficult to keep food down. She woke up with a cold, sometimes, or walked around with weight in her stomach.

It was colder, too. Not yet freezing, but she suspected it would be soon, and it certainly didn’t help her mood. They had packed two weeks worth of clothes ( _ just in case _ , Sirius had said), and a coat among them, but she wanted to get back to her house, under her duvet. 

The flat was small, but cozy. Two bedrooms with a bed, a desk, and a small dresser in each. The kitchen was in the corner, stocked with a few pounds of english tea. The other agents had been in to fill the living room with boxes of equipment: some electronics, documents, and one box that remained closed. She suspected there were guns inside.

Sirius came out of his room, and sat down on a chair.

“Look Lily, before the briefing, you should know a few things. We almost exclusively use James as a messenger for us. But he has training, and standing orders, to stick to high value intel if he happens to overhear it. You shouldn’t know this, but you deserve to. Whatever’s going on, he’s probably holding onto his cover as much as possible. It’s why he hasn’t made contact. Seeing you will tell him it’s time to kill the op, but it might not happen right away. He might think the intel is worth it.”

He paused and took a deep breath, then stood up to walk around for a moment. Lily could tell see the conflict in him, but waited for him to settle back down.

“I really, really shouldn’t tell you this, but you’re going to find out anyway, and it’s better you’re prepared for it.

“Look. His last drop was with the Duchess, Elisabeth Fortuna. They’ve been seen… together. Around town, at different galas and historical sites. Nothing scandalous, but… whatever his reason, he’s really playing the charm angle. Don’t let it get to you - James is a good man.”

Lily knew that. James was a good man, she wouldn’t have married him if he did.

But fuck if she didn’t just want to find him and fly his ass home. She was a doctor, dammit, not a spy, and somewhere, underneath the haze of thinking about James courting another woman, she was angry that he’d started working with MI6 without her knowing.

* * *

 

That evening, Sirius, Lily, and a few other agents sat in front of a computer screen for a briefing. Agent Lupin ( _ the big bad wolf _ , Sirius joked) was in charge of their activity. He had a greying beard and wore several painful looking scars on his face, but Lily didn’t ask.

“Hope you’ve all settled in okay. Lily, sorry that we couldn’t tell you some of this until now. Your clearance finally got approved, and this one’s by the books since it’s my ass on the line. You should have read the briefing notes, but here’s the op:

“Day one. Recon. Lily, you’re going to visit the bookstore that James is signing at. Don’t make contact. I’m sorry love, I know you’re going to want to after this whole mess, but this is important. We can’t risk whatever James’ position. If he sees you, he’ll know to keep his cover alive - you have to act like you don’t know him.

“Sirius, and the rest of you, recon the store, trail his car, make sure you know where he’s coming back to. Mark who’s with him. Any questions?”

Silence. Lily couldn’t speak - she knew this much already, Sirius had told her that she probably wouldn’t be allowed to speak to him, only see him, the first time. But it still hit her like a brick, and she was torn between losing her breath and steeling herself for seeing him again.

The others were consummate professionals. Barely a blink, though Sirius spared her a glance and gave her a slow blink - which she’s taken to mean a smile for times when he’s unable. Lupin’s words cut through the air.

“Day two. A second book signing. We’ll know more, we’ll have the escapes covered. Lily will make contact and get her book signed. Just act like a fan, follow his lead. Flirt a little bit maybe. Make sure you give him the note, Sirius will get one to you tomorrow. It’ll have instructions he can read. Sign it as well. 

“That night, we’ll see if he can make contact or not. If he can, great, get him and get home. If not, we have another chance. Questions?”

This time, Lily spoke up. “Will they just- will they just let him go?” The others looked at her for a moment, recognizing her concern.

Remus’ voice was calm, and firm.

“This isn’t an action movie, I promise. No one’s getting shot, and no one’s risking a public shootout over a small-time agent. It’s more than likely he’s not under any threat, and he’s keeping up appearances to get us more intel.”

Despite these words, Lily’s heart lurched - as if it were protecting itself. She trusted Remus’ word that no shootout would happen, and yet everyone in this room was armed. They’d trained her to shoot, hell. Was James armed? She stopped her thoughts there, forced them to focus back on the briefing. 

“Worst comes to worst, he for some reason he can’t read our message, or whatever happens, we have another chance to just extract him. Day four. Lily, you and Sirius pose as a married couple on vacation. We’ll get you an invite to the gala that the Duchess is attending. James will probably be there. Make contact, tell him it’s over, get him out - but don’t force him.”

* * *

 

James was reading his books at a university bookshop. A large majority of his work wasn’t yet translated - that was one of the goals of this press tour - and as a result, he’d attracted mostly english speaking crowds.

Lily had been to his readings in England, and it was surprising to see it mirrored in another country. There was a small group of women in their early twenties, and another group of bookish looking students carrying notebooks and bookbags. She purposefully got there late - she knew she would be tempted to sit closer if she had come any earlier.

Instead, she stood in the back of the store, almost behind tall bookshelf. For the first few minutes, she didn’t even look at him. She kept her eyes closed and let his wonderful voice fill the little bookstore. She took a deep inhale, and as soon as she realized what part he was reading, gasped quietly. 

_ “The boy walked with his three companions surrounding him. One was a dog, dark and shaggy, and it took the back corner. At the lead was a grey wolf, responsible for keeping on the path. At the other corner was a massive stag with a rich brown coat, which kept looking to its left as if something there was missing.  _

She knew this part by heart. She remembered when he wrote it - they were in a summer villa, on a sort of vacation. She’d finally managed to get some time away from seeing patients and they’d decided to go on an inspiration trip - a weekend getaway near where she had grown up. They’d taken a little boat out on the lake.

_ “The boy wasn’t afraid. He had asked the three with him whether it was easy, simple, and they had said, of course. Mostly, he missed his friends. He had to leave them behind, and though he didn’t wish for them to come with him, he did wish they could be near.” _

It was one of her favorites because it came so naturally for him to write it. Often, James’ writing was filled with notes and endless edits, correspondence with his editor. He had, eventually, managed to set some good boundaries, but there was a month that it had taken downright seducing him to get him to come to bed. 

When he wrote this section, though, it was the opposite. He put it away to talk to her and came back to writing even more inspired. 

She gripped the end of a bookcase and closed her eyes to stop her from walking right up to the podium he stood at, kissing his brains out, and dragging him away. She knew she had to follow the protocol, that she could wait another day.

But really, she couldn’t. Not with James reading  _ this _ section, not with him being right there, after a month of barely hearing him, and weeks of not even a word that he was fine.

She gathered her strength and left her hiding spot, walking down an aisle to catch a glimpse.

He looked better than she’d remembered. His hair had grown out, and he’d kept his trimmed beard, and every now and then he ran his hands through his hair to keep it out of his face while reading. 

Her knees almost buckled - she had to steady herself on another shelf, but she couldn’t take her eyes away from him. She missed him. More than that - she’d spent weeks with a hole in her heart and a ball of anxiety that wouldn’t leave, and now that her eyes were on him, she could imagine him next to her again, holding hands. Soon, she’d be able to talk to him. Soon, they could go home.

James finished reading then, and quickly scanned the room, before thanking the audience. A tall woman approached him - Lily didn’t recognize her, but she looked different than the rest of the audience. She was dressed nicer, looked wealthier. And she - she gave James a kiss on the cheek and held his arm.

Lily burned with something she didn’t understand. It was too much - having hope, having read his vows again, and then seeing her worst terrors come to life.  _ For the mission _ , she rationalized.  _ There’s no way he would _ . 

Still, her eyes betrayed her thoughts, and she watched another second as James spoke to some students before turning around and leaving the shop, the jingle of the bell above the door ringing as she stepped out into the cold street.

* * *

 

James felt good being back in public - after a week of spending time writing in the castle, seeing his readers engage his work was refreshing. He was reading one of his favorite parts - it’d been a while, but the words were easy to orate, and filled him with peace. 

He couldn’t quite remember why - just the faintest fog of a vacation in the woodlands. 

As he was thanking the students that had invited him to speak, he heard the ring of a bell, and saw the door to the shop closing. A woman had just left, and the woman had the brightest red hair he’d ever seen.

There were redheads in Moldova, but none of them were was vibrant as this woman’s. It was as if her head was aflame as she moved, and James was stunned for several moments as the woman turned the corner and disappeared.

He couldn’t shake the image of the red hair, and, during the short drive back to the castle, imagined his hands winding through it, twisting it around.

Would he see the woman with the red hair again? 


	4. signing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> writing has not come to me in the last month, but i found this chapter already written.
> 
> hope i will find the space to write again soon.
> 
> here: lily makes contact.

Lily had an awful night, trying to fall asleep. Tomorrow, she was going to have James sign her book, and pass him a note with instructions for him. Tomorrow, she would have to look her husband in the eyes and pretend not to know him - she would have to put away the last month of not having seen him, and the last week of worrying herself to sickness. She would have to put on a mask - is this what being a spy was like?

She wondered, only for a moment, if this was true for James too. What was his mask, and what was true? Her thoughts flashed to seeing that woman take his arm. She hoped - believed - that his mask was the face he gave her, the look of hope. Lily didn’t dare let herself ask any questions, but she did know that it wasn’t love. 

That look was reserved for her. She saw it every day, up until a month ago: his mouth formed a soft o, as if a light from heaven entranced him in awe. Those were his words, not hers, and she held onto them as gospel. What else could she do, in a foreign country, days away from heading home with her husband?

And, of course she would go to these lengths to get them back. Maybe MI6 was lying, and maybe James was an asshole. She loved him enough to come and find out for herself.

* * *

 

The Duchess was courting him. 

James knew well enough to know. He was a guest in her home, a traveling writer promoting his work in the city. She was titled - they shouldn’t ever cross paths, not in such a quickly intimate environment. 

She was certainly pretty, and a good conversationalist. She knew his books almost as well as he did, and gave him all of the accomodations he’d needed to write. All she asked was to come with him. Pursuing the relationship would be a tactical move - he was sure his editor would approve. 

And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about the girl with the red hair from yesterday. She wasn’t from Moldova, she couldn’t have been. She was from England, and it felt as if - well it felt as if he was missing something that was in England. 

There were still a lot of things he wasn’t sure of, and maybe it was good that he was traveling for a while. Could he enter a relationship to advance his work? Maybe not, but he could at least give Liza a fair shot - how many times does one get courted by basically royalty?

* * *

 

“Lily, just be ready. He might not break cover today - whatever the reason, it’s most important that we let him meet on his terms. We’ll get him out.” 

Sirius caught Lily’s hand before letting her out of the car. They were in front of the bookshop James was singing at, and he handed her a copy of a book. 

“Don’t forget to give him the note.” 

“I won’t,” said Lily.

She couldn’t forget. She had been thinking about it all morning, to the point that it made her sick. She kept her lunch down today, thankfully. The change in diet was helping.

Lily had two plans. First was the one she had to follow - given by MI6. Get the book signed, give the nope. The second was her plan, something she knew James would respond to. She had to keep her mask on, act like she was only a fan, but she was going to slip in a phrase that she knew James would recognize.

He was the one that wrote it. Last night, she read a story about three friends that remained together  _ until the very end _ \- a poignant closing line. She would use that.

When it was finally her turn in line, she took a second to take the first step forward. Yesterday,  from afar, she could barely stand and listen. Today, she was braver; Lily let all of the pain, which had coalesced the night before and turned into a ball inside of her heart, melt right out of her. 

Four years of marriage, hundreds of nights together, and seeing him smile at her and say “hello” took all of the pain out of her. She fought back the urge to reach her arms out, to touch his face, and settled for keeping both hands firmly on the copy of her book.

Lily stood across a table from her husband and offered him a genuine smile. She let the relief of knowing he was alive and alright wash over her, and she let the hope of knowing he would come back to her soon shine through her eyes. Her hands didn’t shake when she gave him the book, and asked for a dedication.

“And who should I make this out to, miss?”

“Lily, please.”

She wouldn’t tell Sirius and Remus, but the first time she and James had met was at a book signing. A mutual friend had put them onto the author and invited them both to come. They’d talked about why they loved the book so much, and James offered to get coffee after they’d read the latest one.

Of course she’d accepted.

“You’re English,” James said. “What brings out all the way out to Moldova?”

Lily paused for a moment. Leave it to James to give her the perfect chance.

“My husband is- he’s always been a big fan of some of the landscapes here. They made such beautiful backdrops for stories; he loves to read. Swore he’d capture stories  _ until the very end. _ ”

She expected James’ eyes to widen, at the least. Even if he recognized that she was here - that MI6 had brought her here, that she was giving him information - and managed to keep his mask on, the James she knew would have given her some sign that he understood. 

All he managed was a soft, “Ah,” and her heart sank.

She managed, somehow, to pass him the letter, but her smile grew less bright and she became away of the distance between them - both the table, and in being able to feel,  _ dammit, we’re here, and we’re together, and everything’s going to be okay _ .

“I wrote this for you, just as a thank you. I love your work.”

“Thank you, Lily,” James replied.

And with that, she walked off, back to the car with Sirius, back to her room in the little flat, and back to her thoughts.

* * *

 

James loved receiving notes from fans - he took care to write back to any that he received, and sometimes would ask his editing team for help. Today’s small pile was mostly short letters, or thank you’s, but one note stood out. It was a signed card with a pretty script, and a piece of red thread holding it closed.

_ Lily _ . 

The red-headed woman, the one who was at the store earlier in the week, had given it to him. He had her name now - Lily.

James quickly opened the note, taking care to keep the red thread. 

_ Mr. Potter, _

_ It’s such a pleasure to be able to meet you in person after reading so many of your books. Thank you for coming all the way to Moldova. You should know that my favorite parts involve the stag-friend of your characters. Across so many books and stories, there’s always a stag, and he’s always looking sideways. I wonder if he will ever find what he is missing. Perhaps it’s a way to keep his antlers clean!  _

_ I do hope, though, that it’s a doe. I know he’s supposed to be some kind of ageless spirit, but there would be something so sweet about him having a companion across all of that time. Even if they can’t be together always.  _

_ All the best, _

_ L.E. _

He read the note again, and took care to read the signature, and turned his wrist to look at the tattoo. Who was this woman - and why are her initials on his skin? 


	5. through foggy nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Sirius finally talk to James and try to convince him to get out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing has not come for me the last few months, so I apologize for the late update, but I talked about this fic with some writer friends this week who inspired me to keep going.
> 
> Hoping to finish this, and two other fics by Jan 1st and try to hit 50k words written for 2018!! I could use the encouragement!

For two long days, Lily sat in the flat and waited.

She replayed the short bits of her conversation with James over and over again in her mind, and analyzed his reactions. She even brought in Sirius to help, to which he obliged whenever he had downtime. She saw why James could trust Sirius with so much; above all else else the man was faithful to his friends.

Lily kept thinking about how he didn’t recognize her - how didn’t even give a sign. She wanted any kind of reassurance that he recognized her or remembered her.

Unfortunately, Sirius didn’t see things any differently either.

“If he’s gotten the message, when will we know?” Lily asked on second morning after the bookstore, tidying up a few random things in the living area.

“Tonight, maybe. Could be a few days.” Sirius reply was disinterested - he was reading over a mission report.

“The bloody party is in a few days,” she said, huffing.

“Then we’ll know then, yeah?” he said.

Lily glared at Sirius. She didn’t understand how he could be so calm - wasn’t this his best mate? Maybe they’d been in these dire situations before, and he was a professional spy, but it was a level of detachment Lily couldn’t fathom.

To his benefit, Sirius offered her a smile, and walked over to the mini-kitchen to fetch her a cup of coffee. He waited until she took a sip.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend to understand how you feel, but I’ve been there. The waiting and the being uncertain if something is as dangerous as it feels like. Sort of comes with the territory, and I’ve learned to stay calm throughout.” Sirius tapped his ID as he spoke, gesturing that he was, indeed, an MI6 agent.

Lily sighed. She didn’t mean to take it all out on Sirius, but there was no shooting range here, and it was too cold to take long walks. For the hundredth time, she wished James were here to hold her, and offer her some manuscript to proof.

“A few years back, there was a…”

Sirius hesitated for a moment, taking a swig of his own coffee.

“My brother was an agent. We were both young and on more, uh, exciting assignments than the ones I take now. He got outed, and they - Remus - wouldn’t let me near the case. I had to twiddle my thumbs for weeks before hearing any news.”

It was Lily’s turn to be silent. Sirius cared about James almost as much as she did, and she had to believe in that.

“He disappeared. They couldn’t exfil him, and then a few years later we found out he’d switched sides. Sold out the state. Haven’t seen him since. So. I know. And James is a better man than my brother - he’s onto something here.”

“How do you know?”

“That James is a better man?”

“That James is onto something important.”

“He wouldn’t leave you for so long otherwise.”

* * *

 

Over the next few days, Lily’s talks with Sirius helped brighten her mood. He answered her deepest fears - of not knowing who James really was - by telling her about every time he’d said that he couldn’t wait to get back to her during a mission.

 _Obnoxious twat_ , Sirius had said.

But eventually her pining turned into frustration. Tonight was the party, and she was getting antsy, even while getting ready.

She’d been over the plan multiple times, in excruciating detail, and she imagined every possibility of how every step would go. She’d been in the shower for almost an hour, red from the hot water, and had stopped just short of banging her head against the walls.

In the worst cases, they get turned away from the party and don’t even get a chance. Or, they get in, and James isn’t even there. Worse, James tells them to leave him deep undercover, or a gunfight breaks out, and…

Lily tried to imagine the positive scenarios too - James rushing to meet her, to hold her, to kiss her. But they seemed further away, harder to find details for. Even the smallest sliver made her flush, but dread quickly replaced elation.

Finally fed up, she turned off the shower, stepping through steam to finish getting dressed. She had brought dresses in her suitcase, and picked one - a soft yellow and white gown that stopped at mid calf. It was a conservative choice, but she was here to talk to James, not seduce him. Not tonight, anyway.

She’d packed the dress in haste, and for some reason, slipping it on and getting the zipper wasn’t as easy as she’d remembered.

“Sirius, help me zip up, yeah?”

“Give me a second.”

Sirius knocked before he entered her room, wearing his best black tie.

“Like we’re a real pretend married couple, yeah?” he said.

* * *

 

The party was at a large ballroom of a hotel, and guests trickled out of lines of nice cars, walking through a path through the lobby flanked by red and blue lanterns. It was a celebration, and as Lily and Sirius walked through, she went over the plan for the hundredth time.

First, locate James. Second, mingle - they were on vacation from Britain, and a family friend - played by another agent - had asked them to come. Third, after a half hour or so of keeping an eye on James, make their way over and have a conversation. Fourth, slip a few passphrases into the conversation, mingle some more, and head back. They were meant to be there for an hour, tops.

Yet, as she walked into the ballroom, she found herself running right into James - literally.

He caught her just before she fell, nodding at Sirius. “So sorry!”

Lily couldn’t respond - her breath was taken by being in his arms for the few seconds again, and it took Sirius an excruciating second to fill the silence.

“You’re Mr. Potter,” he said with a knowing raise of the eyebrow.

“I am. Pardon me, I don’t…” James took a moment to look at the couple before his eyes widened in recognition. “Lily! From the bookstore! And you must be her husband, pleasure to meet you!”

Lily had managed to find balance, but leaned on Sirius when James said her name.

Her heart lept at the words _Lily_ \- said with such energy and familiarity. And then sank. Of all the scenarios she’d imagined, she didn’t account for having no time to prepare to talk to him.

Did he recognize her now - or did he only remember her from the bookstore? Had he been thinking about her?

Before she could respond, a tall, brown haired woman joined their conversation, hooking her arm through James’, and Lily’s blood ran cold.

“James dear, come, there’s someone for you to meet.”

“Liza! Meet Mr. and Mrs… well - I never got your last name did I?” James asked.

“Evans-Black,” Sirius supplied, taking Lily’s arm to support her standing upright.

“Evans-Black. May I introduce the Duchess of Moldova, and our host tonight.” James said this as he took Liza’s hand, leading her into a curtsy.

“Pleasure to meet you,” said Liza, before pulling James away from them.

James had just a moment before he was out of earshot. “If you’ll excuse us - please come and chat later tonight. I’d love to hear what you think of my new book!” James waved, and followed the Duchess off into the crowd.

Lily was still stunned; Sirius led her to a table to settle down.

Her name sounded so right on his lips - but to see him holding another woman right next to her was almost too much. She struggled to keep her hands from shaking, and could feel her stomach churning up the light dinner she’d eaten earlier.

Sirius tried a quip: “well that wasn’t quite the plan was it?”

It earned a laugh from Lily. “Just… give me a few minutes, okay?”

“I’ll get you something to drink,” Sirius offered.

“Please.”

* * *

 

James floated in and out of conversations with Liza. When he could spare the attention, he realized that he was catching glimpses of red everywhere he looked - no doubt because he’d had another chance to see the redheaded girl from the book store.

More importantly, now he knew who she was. Lily Evans-Black, and married. Several points connected for James as he made his way around the room in Liza’s wake.

The clearest of them was finally knowing what the L.E. on his wrist stood for - Lily Evans. He wondered how he might have gotten the tattoo, but every time he tried to peer into his memories, he felt a painful cloud, like the onset of a headache, and dropped the thought.

The second was that, though she was married, her fan letter omitted the Black. The man’s name - Sirius Black - gave him the same sense of haziness as that tattoo, and as her hair. Sirius had given him a wink - did that mean they knew each other, somehow?

At the same time, the way that he had held Lily’s arm… something about it felt like the wrong picture. His finger had a wedding band on it, but it didn’t quite match Lily’s ring, and the way she had responded to him recognizing, was as if she lapsed for a second. LIke she was supposed to be playing a character.

He spared a glance around the room to find them, and found her quickly - but Mr. Black wasn’t at the table, and she didn’t seem interested in having him join her. She looked beautiful in her yellow dress. He followed her eyes and saw that she was looking at Liza, who was by the stage, preparing the program. _She’s exhausted_ . _And waiting for something to happen._

How did he even know that?

There were too many missing pieces in his memory, and too many details he noticed without trying, and Liza, despite her best intentions at involving him in conversations, wasn’t the right person to ask.

James decided to find the Evans-Blacks before the night ended.

* * *

 

Left alone on the table, finally, Lily exhaled deeply. Part of her wanted to know who that woman was and tear her throat out; another part wanted to leave the party right then and there. But there was still one task left to do for them, and she needed to build up the steel to be able to have a full conversation with James.

Plan A went out the window immediately. She had wanted to spend time scanning the room and getting a feel for how to act before talking to him; running into his chest within 10 seconds of entering took her heart on too much of a roller coaster to do anything but sit and for a moment and try to recover.

Who _was_ that woman? Liza had called James “dear,” and Lily wondered what she was missing. Was James that deep undercover? He had seemed excited to see her, but only referred to the bookstore, and he didn’t say anything about the note.

But, then again, he managed to say exactly two lines before being pulled away by that woman. Lily didn’t even want to think her name - it sent a bubbling rage through her stomach, and she was already barely keeping her hands from shaking.

As Lily was observing people moving through the room, Sirius returned with two drinks in his hands.

“Checked in with our man on the way over.” Sirius handed her a clear drink. “Just seltzer water. Figured, as much as I’m sure you’d love a drink, it wouldn’t help.”

“Any news,” Lily asked, taking a sip. The carbonation burned in her mouth, and helped her focus.

“Not much. There’s a short program, but most of the part is mingling. We’ll just have to find a good time to slip into a conversatio-”

Sirius cut himself off as he saw James walking in their direction.

“Actually. Seems like we won’t have to do any waiting. He’s on the way.” Sirius used his eyes to point and avoid drawing attention. “You feel okay?”

Lily took another deep breath. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

As James approached the table with Lily and Sirius, he realized that he was already collecting a series of details about the two. He noticed that they weren’t physically touching, and that Lily, cupping her drink with both hands, seemed withdrawn. Sirius was lax, letting his posture slip, as if to reassure Lily that things would be fine. He already knew that they were playing some sort of act, but he wondered what had been going wrong.

“Hi Lily, Sirius. Hope you don’t mind if I joined you for a moment,” he said, offering a hand to Sirius.

Sirius took the handshake. “Of course mate.”

“Sorry again for bumping into you, Lily.”

It took Lily a moment to respond - as if she was curating her words carefully.

“You startled me, but no it’s no problem.” It was as honest as Lily was capable of.

“I apologize if this is… weird, but I feel as if I’ve met you both before. And I don’t just mean the bookstore this week,” he added, nodding at Lily.

Sirius grinned a bit. He would have to tell Lily later, but James and Sirius had a code of sorts when undercover, and James was almost asking him to use it.

“Me and my mates get around, and we often get accused of marauding,” Sirius replied. He couldn’t help the corner of his lips tugging into a smile.

Lily noticed, and added, “I get the distinct privilege of making sure they’re all alive afterwards.”

“Ever been to the Wartyhog pub in London?” Sirius asked. It was their sign for exfiltration - all Sirius had to do was invite him to visit, and if James accepted, they were out.

The response was not what James was expecting. They _did_ know him from before, which told him he could trust his instincts, and that location rang a bell. Still, it was just beyond the edge of his memory.

“I’m sorry, I can’t quite remember if I have,” he answered honestly.

Lily and Sirius exchanged glances with one another.

“So James, tell us about your book?” Lily made to switch topics, which carried the conversation up until the program started. James excused himself, and by the time it finished, Lily and Sirius were gone.

James couldn’t help but feel a sense of worry. He was still missing something, and after such an easygoing conversation with the two, was starting to realize how important it was that he found it again.

Later that night, Liza came to his room with a cup of hot tea - something she had taken to doing the last several weeks. Tonight, he drank as little as he could while they talked and poured the rest down the sink once Liza had retired to bed.

Perhaps tomorrow would bring clarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Through the clouds


	6. remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorrynotsorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here: breaking through

The morning only brought Lily more grief. In addition to a sleepless night, filled with tossing and turning and a few bouts of nausea, she barely mustered the energy to make coffee. Even then, after a few small sips, she was right back to hunching over the toilet, holding her hair back and dry heaving.

Sirius was already awake, and the door to his room opened as Lily was making her coffee. He saw her take a sip and run right out again, poured his own cup, and made her a glass of warm water and honey.

Lily returned to the kitchen with a frown on her face. It was almost comical. How many 36 hour shifts, or back to backs had she survived over the years? How many times has James been gone for weeks without her? Although she’d known exactly where he was and when he’d return to her.

It was like her body was betraying her, and she was sick of it, but didn’t have the energy to fight. All she could do was ride the waves of nausea and try to keep down what she could.

Sirius spoke softly, noticing her hunched shoulders and tired face. 

“Try some honey?”

“Thanks Sirius.” She accepted the warm mug, preferring to hold it in her hands than try a sip.

“He didn’t remember,” Sirius said, deciding it wiser to be direct. Besides, he was getting frustrated now too.

“Remember?” 

“We have an exfiltration code. Marauding at the pub, it’s an inside joke from uni. He didn’t remember, and I don’t think he was lying.”

Lily’s frown deepened, and now she took a sip of her warm honey water. It was soothing to her throat.

Sirius continued. “That means something… unexpected is at play. I’m going to talk to Remus this afternoon and adjust our gameplan. It might be a few days of gathering intel before we move again…” he trailed off, giving Lily room to respond, and took the moment to observe her now that his eyes had settled in the dim light. 

Lily’s face was pale, more than in the past few days, and it looked like she carried double the stress. 

“Lil, maybe we should have the doctor check up on you,” he added.

Lily, still deep in her thoughts about James’ memory ( _ Did that mean he’d forgotten her, too? And would he forget forever? Was he brainwashed?) _ ,  just nodded. 

“Sure,” she said, taking another sip of water.

Sirius found a box of crackers and placed it on the table in front of Lily, and moved back to his room, picking up his phone on the way.

* * *

 

James woke with a pounding headache - like his something was screaming in his head to open and let it in. He did his best to stretch his back and neck before giving up and jumping into a steaming shower. Briefly, he thought about taking some painkillers, but after last night, it might be best to ingest food and drink cautiously.

What could he even remember? He remembered last night - talking to Lily and Sirius Black-Evans, and the feeling that something wasn’t as it seemed between them. He remembered trying to reach inside of his memory, and grabbing only wisps.

It was wrong, everything felt wrong, and he let the back of his head rest against the tile as he sorted out his memories. That he’d run into Lily three different times in the last week. That there was a place he should have known. That Liza’s tea set off a warning bell in his mind last night. 

James took to tapping his fist against his thigh as he was thinking, holding an invisible pen and hoping that the ink would form something.

What else was wrong? Her letter. Her signature. The fucking tattoo on his wrist - what did that mean? He grabbed and pulled his hair, as if it would rip out whatever was blocking his memories.

Why was her name on his skin - and why did her skin look so pale last night? She hadn’t had any alcohol, if James’ across-the-room observations could be trusted, and she looked almost sickly. Like she was nervous, or stressed, carrying more weight on her shoulders than she seemed.

He ignored the question of  _ how _ he’d even made these observations in the first place - and  _ why the the hell he was staying at Liza’s _ when he’s just some English author - and tried to picture Lily from the night before. She had on a beautiful yellow gown - it was perfect, except it looked like Lily had some trouble walking. She’d sat a lot, and her gait seemed constricted, like she couldn’t move her hips properly. 

Sirius was cheery and hopeful, like he was looking forward to something, even when Lily carried the conversation. James couldn’t help but rub the tattoo again, turning so that the full spray of the shower landed on his chest. He was beginning to run red from the heat. Despite the pain, his head felt less and less full.

Hopefully with more food in him, and some time to think while writing, he’d figure the rest out.

* * *

 

The MI6 doctor was a lanky fellow, who seemed ill-suited for the cold. His coat hung over his narrow shoulders and formed a seemingly hollow cylinder, and thin wrists came out of the arms, holding a small case of medical supplies.

Despite this, he was surprisingly gentle. Lily let him take a small blood sample, and he checked her vitals without showing signs of being cold and shivering.

Feeling better put together, but too late to send him away, Lily made a mental note to elbow Sirius for forgetting that  _ she was a goddamned doctor _ . Still, it was reassuring to be reminded of that. She recognized, from the calm, measured movements, that he’d had experience in emergency situations - perhaps combat, and being back in her professional element was a familiar place to be. 

He left without a word, and a few hours later, returned with a printed sheet - her diagnosis - and a small box. But, he sat down for a moment instead of simply delivering the message. 

“Dr. Evans, for the most part, you’re fine, if not sleep deprived. I know this is a formality for you, my apologies. But with your elevated blood pressure, I took the liberty of running some extra bloodwork…”

Lily wasn’t sure where he was going. Surely he was a decent enough doctor to check on leads, but what was there to check in on? She’s stressed, sleep deprived, and waiting for her  _ fucking husband to come home _ \- there’s no medical diagnosis for that….

“... and it came back with elevated hGC levels…” he trailed off, knowing that Lily would recognize almost immediately.

In shock, Lily’s hands jumped to cover her mouth. “Shit. No.”

“I’ve brought a quicker test in case you prefer, and the lab report - I did it myself, but you can confirm if you like, Dr. Evans.” He placed the box and papers on the coffee table, and waited respectfully.

“How long?” Lily’s hushed voice surprised her, still speaking through her hands. 

“Late in the first trimester - perhaps ten weeks.”

“Have you told anyone?” 

“Only you, though I suspect Agent Black will want to know.”

“I’ll… James should know first.”

At this, the doctor simply nodded. “My information is on the ID card you should have received, if you need anything.”

“Thanks doctor.” 

With that, the doctor left Lily to sit in her thoughts.

* * *

 

That afternoon, James sat at his desk, with his laptop open. With the whirlwind of readings and events, he actually hadn’t thought to search through his laptop for anything, and took the liberty of scanning all of his files now. 

For the most part, there was nothing but unfinished manuscripts and one-off chapters, and many brainstorming documents for his novels. But buried in some folders was a picture. He almost dropped his mug when he opened it - it was a picture of Lily Evans-Black, laughing at the camera, somewhere bright and sunny. Her hand was holding what he assumed was his - he could see the wrist and a familiar tattoo.

Dated 10 weeks prior, James could not remember anything about this picture, but as he poured over the picture, combing it for details, he deduced a few things.

First, it was possible they were in a serious relationship - maybe married. His hand, in the picture, had a ring, and so did Lily’s. There wasn’t a ring on his hand now, but the skin where it would be seemed just a shade lighter than the rest of his hand. How had he not noticed that before?

The other thing he noticed was how tears were welling up, even though he could still barely grasp having been in the moment in the picture. Standing up to let the warmth in his chest dissipate, James wondered where the ring was. 

What had happened between 10 weeks ago and last week, when he became a guest at Liza’s? He remembered leaving England, and he remembered going on a tour. He also remembered wanting to hold someone - Lily - closely, because they would be separated for a while. 

The ring. Where was the ring?  _ Fuck I feel like Gollum or something _ . James’ hand began to ache, as if it had forgotten how to be comforted, and all that consumed him was finding it and unlocking everything his brain had locked up for days and weeks. 

He ripped his room apart to find it. James took care not to make too much noise, or leave behind a mess he couldn’t clean - but after hours he found nothing but an Amazon button. Curious, but not helpful.

Giving up, he made his way to dinner. Liza was already there, wearing a thick wool jumper that cut just low enough to see her collarbones.

As if teasing him, she wore a thin silver necklace weight down by something just below the the jumper’s collar. James couldn’t help but sneak glances, trying to see what it was, but couldn’t get a good look until Liza, partway through dinner, noticed his eyes. 

_ Lord, she thinks I’m eyeing her. _ James, still recovering from the mental strain of searching every inch of his room, realized a bit late what he was implying. It was no secret to him that Liza had her eyes on him, but this was the first time he’d been so reciprocative - at least on the surface.

Liza bent over the table just enough to give James a seemingly good look - flashing a quick smile as she reached to refill her plate - and a ring spilled from underneath the jumper, pulling the chain all the way down. James forced a flirty smile, tearing his eyes away from the ring (and her chest) and to Liza’s eyes.

Inside him, the fury of piecing together why exactly she had a ring that matched exactly the one from the picture of James and Lily roared, and he gripped the side of his chair with shaking hands to keep from an outburst. 

He had to play it cool. Something in the back of his head, feeling like experience, told him how he needed to play it out. He needed to touch the ring, and the ring was on Liza’s person. Simply taking it from her would raise suspicion, and every hair on the back of his neck raised at the thought of acting out of Liza’s expectations.

There was only one way, and it took everything he had and more to not throw up his food altogether. 

Still, what was next? James’ sixth sense spoke to him again, urging him to press the button he’d found earlier, though he still had no idea what it was for. 

He excused himself to the bathroom and quickly walked back to his room. His finger burned, and it spread through his hand as he thought about where Liza’s ring was, and what he might have to do to touch it, but pressing the button sent a cool wave through. As if relief were coming, and the longing he’d felt while looking at the picture would soon end.

* * *

 

Across town, Sirius’ phone beeped. He jolted upright and called Remus. Several minutes later, the whole team was gathered together in their living room. Lily, who had been asleep in her room, woke up to the sounds of velcro and Remus talking loudly.

Too exhausted to really do any thinking, she’d simply gone right to bed. But now, as the small flat came alive, a single thought rose above her consciousness.  _ He had to come home. _

She wrapped a long cardigan around her before opening her door.

“What’s going on,” she asked as she walked into the room. Remus was handing out paper briefs while several agents placed tactical vests and firearms on their person, and Sirius looked grimly at her.

Remus stopped speaking and turned to Sirius. “James activated his emergency beacon,” he said, softly.

“What does that mean?”

“It means we’re going to get him.”

Lily pinched her wedding ring hard enough to redden her fingers.

“I’m coming too,” she said, looking at Sirius with such ferocity that he simply nodded and made to prepare her equipment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next: pew pew

**Author's Note:**

> just the drabble + another scene. I needed to post something to motivate myself to keep writing. I'm plugging away! I've written 3 chapters, and hope to get to 10. I'll try to keep a 3 chapter lead on my draft vs. what I post! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Sorry in advance. (not really sorry)


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